group

i'm cruising at 175.

i went to "group" yesterday. it takes place at the local hospital. it's inside a small not very well lit room. the windows are up high so you can't see out. the walls are covered in flyers talking about "eating disorders" and how people have come through it all and are now wonderfully happy "yet still thin" people.

dad said he'd drop me off before work. i told him i'd walk. the nurse always tests my blood sugar when i first walk into the clinic. i always have to have a good reading that day. it's stupid. i make my sugar high all the time when i'm not at the clinic.

my sugar at home was 306 i gave myself 3.5units. i weighed myself 2lbs less that my last clinic. inside i'm happy but i know they'll be trouble. i drink 4 huge glasses of water. i let that settle down and seeing i'm running late i jog all the way. feeling pretty sick.

once i get there about 15mins later i check myself in the bathroom stall. 252! shit i'm high. i walk down the sterile smelling corridor and into the "mental" part of the building. i see the room at the end and notice that there is no nurse or shrink people at the doorway. they usuall stand there and make sure the anorexics don't have weights hidden anywhere. I run to the door and into the room, i grab my favorite chair next to the fans. it's soft and it's always been mine. there's two other girls inside, both skeletons compared to me. I always feel like the fattest. we ignore each other.

my heart's racing and i'm feel flushed. two mins later the nurse arrives. damn. i hang my head. she walks up to us and explains the counsellor is off sick. her replacement has not yet arrived. we have a choice, stay and wait, or come back next week. since us 3 are not classed as "going to die any minute" we had the choice. the severe cases and yes there are 2, they should be in hospital but are not. they would have to have their weigh in etc with the nurse.

i told her i'd just go. i got up to walk out and she said she'd like to do an a1c on me next week and gave me some forms about something. not sure what i've junked them under my bed.

my last a1c was 11.2% they were not happy. i can't refuse the test or dad will be contacted. so i'm screwed.

that nurse hates me!!!!!!!

486 mg / dl

Went out last night with a a friend and her boyfriend and my boyfriend. My boyfriend is 18yrs old called Pete. He's really sweet, we've been together for 2 yrs. He puts up with alot from me. He lives on the other side of town.

We all went to a restraunt near the beach. I ate chicken. I gave myself the correct insulin for the carbs in my meal. We played out on the beach after, just random games. Messing about, alcohol included. I got back home a little after 2am. Pete walked me home but didn't stop the night. He's getting up at 7am today to go on vacation with his parents to ENGLAND for two weeks. I'm so jealous.

I got in snuck up to my room, my brother's tv was on, he came out and told me dad would kick my ass in the morning. I ignored him, got changed into my night clothes and slid into bed. I needed the bathroom. I had not long been. It occurred to me I hadn't taken my blood sugar since 5pm. This is normal I can sometimes not take it for over a day. I know I need to take it but something in my head makes me not. What is WRONG with me???

In the hazy light of my bedroom light the meter read 486!!!!!!

I decided to take a shot. Sometimes I would just leave it, you know, to loose some weight? but I had been drinking and felt sick. I went downstairs to retrieve some insulin from the side (i'd taken it out to get to room temp before i went out) and drew up the syringe. I opted for sticking the needle in my arm. I gave 4 units. Not enough but with the alcohol and the fact that I did not want to go low it seemed a good option. One I'm glad I took, I got up not long ago, I can't sleep and have a reading of 88. I'm gonna call my boyfriend and say good bye.

I'm not going to eat today. I need a detox. If my basals are right it should not be a problem. I planned to go jogging today with a friend. I'm gonna call it off and doing random exercises around the house.

And just so you know, my Dad isn't mad at me, he knew I was safe with my boyfriend. Ha my brother is a trouble maker.

K @ cey (blood sugar, diabetes, meters, pumps, needles all suck, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)

Hi Guys!

Well, thanks for all the comments you guys have made me feel so welcome already. I have a beaming smile on my face at the moment, I also look like a lobster after going out on my Dad's boat today and forgetting sun block!!!! My brother has been calling me all kinds of names and so I hit him over the head with a giant inflatable I won the other week.

I'll go read over your blogs in a minute.

I understand that running high sugars is pretty common to control weight and I know all the crap I'm doing to myself. I'm really self destructive. I've self harmed with the needles that poke your finger (lancets, that's the name) for about a year or more. I'm doing good at stopping that, it's one thing at a time for me.

I went to a clinic for a week last year to help with my "issues" I don't know if it made me better or made me worse.

My Dad is a single parent and a wonderful guy. He helps me in every way possible. I've not had the best life. Mom left. Something bad happened to me when I was 14. I don't feel I want to write about that just yet. And then I get diabetes at 9yrs old. Yuck.

I go through phases of running high sugars to loose some pounds. I'm doing ok at the moment, the group I go to with all the sick girls has freaked me a little.

One girl weighs like 65lbs and will be back to the hospital next Monday if she hasn't gained some weight. It's really sad. It's meant to be summer break but I'm all fucked in the head and spending too much time sitting on the dock staring into space. I need to be with my friends but I just feel so unsociable at the moment.

I'm gonna go sit out on the terrace now and read for a while.

It's got to get better than this...........

Thanks for the kind words everyone.

Kacey xxxxx

I'm new!!

I've been reading blogs at the diabetes OC for a little while now. Thought I'd start my own.

I'm 16 yrs old and I live in Wilmington, NC. I live near the beach. I've had diabetes since I was 9yrs old. I live with my Dad and my younger brother Adam.

I wear an Insulin pump. I've had it nearly a year. It's ok, it sucks a bit but so did shots. My control is not great and it's my fault. I run my sugars high sometimes so I can loose weight.

My Dad made me see a shrink who doesn't help me. I also have to go to meetings with other girls with eating disorders. They don't have diabetes though. I don't have an eating disorder though. But people think I do. I weigh 110lbs which is good for a 16 yr old. I just like to control my weight.

That's me anyways, I have to go help my Dad now to clean his boat at the docks. He's gotten me up real early to help out.
Kacey x